Are You A Rhino Or A Hedgehog?

I learned something about resolving conflicts recently - in a marriage course. We all know about conflicts – that they are inevitable and its difficult to resolve because we tend to have different opinions and we are naturally selfish. But most of us fail to handle anger properly because we are either rhinos or hedgehogs.

Rhinos or Hedgehogs?

This is rather new to me but by knowing whether we are a rhino or hedgehog helps. As most of us might know, rhinos have a reputation for being extremely aggressive and they charge readily at perceived threat. That’s their instinct and it was observed they charge tree trunks and termite mounds without giving a second thought. That’s who they are – can’t change that.

On the other hand, hedgehogs are small little animals that have stiff, sharp spines (similar to porcupines). They are small enough to fit in our hands but too prickly to hold. When disturbed or under threat, they will curl up into a tight ball, with its spines sticking out in all directions. And it will take an incredible amount of effort to get them to uncurl themselves.

In a conflict when we are upset or provoked, we can react like a rhino that launches an attack without thinking or we can be like the hedgehog, withdraws.

It’s good to find out what are we as well as those that we are working closely with. That would be the first step towards resolving a conflict.

So, after the exercise, I discovered I’m a true hedgehog. The "withdraw" reaction comes out in the form of silent treatment, needless to say my better half has never appreciated that much :p

So, what are you?

Time Is Money

Took this picture to depict time is money. And lo and behold, found a nice poem to go with it. This is so random and I like it.. :)

Quick pace,
Quick pace is what wins the race.
In life there is only stuff to get done
so you can just move onto the next one.

The list never ends
and if one does another begins.
Never enough time, but always enough to do.
In life what you get done is what you get judged by.
Nobody cares how you feel
but more of what you've accomplished.

To be important you must have money,
and to have money you must be sold.
Sold on something,
so much that it impresses people.

There is no time to balance,
you must just blast away,
day after day, after day.

Because time is money
and to waste time is to waste money.

{Poem by Aaron H.}

He that Would Have The Fruit Must Climb The Tree

You want to eat? You got to work! You can’t rely on hand-out, not in Malaysia for sure. Today my mind kept going back to this woman – a divorcee with two young kids. And she was out of job recently. Her last pay was RM1600. Can a family survive with that? Sure it can… well, she did. And she’s aware of this truth – he that would eat the fruit must climb the tree! She's not sitting on her laurels, but hunting hard for a job to put food on the table.

Running, Migraine and Mental Strength

Most people get into exercise because they wanted to lose some kilos. Not me. I’m blessed with a slim figure, a tad below weight in fact, so I get into exercise purely because I wanted to sweat. But I’ve also been fairly lazy in the past two to three years. I used to golf every week but somehow other priorities took over and my golf club had been sitting pretty in the store room ever since. And that was when my bouts of migraine started. I knew one of the answers to fight the migraine is to be fit physically. But my legs and hands refused to budge.

I equate that with weak will. And I don’t feel good.

I was inspired by my friends and hubby who did 10km run a few months ago but it was short-lived as I realized the amount of hard work one needs to put in. So I let it go. Besides, I simply don’t have time. Of course, that’s an excuse. We simply make time for things we care about and I blame it on photography as that was what I really cared about in the past one year :p Anyhow, deep down I know I need to do something, else how do I get rid of my monthly migraine love affair? Cafergot should not be my long term rescue remedy, right?

The turning point.

I was holidaying at Pangkor Island Beach Resort. They have this beautiful 1.2km stretch of white sandy beach. It’s supposed to be a relaxing holiday so the whole afternoon I was doing nothing except immersing myself with Kafka On The Shore. I needed to get up and do something. It’s almost evening and before the sun set, I decided to run along the beach - bare-footed. And lo and behold, I managed to run the stretch of 1.2km back and fro without stopping. Perhaps it’s the beautiful beach or the lovely breeze or maybe the build-up energy but whatever, the feeling was incredible! I wanted to do it again. So the next morning when most holiday makers were still in bed, I woke up early and repeated the run - back and fro and I tell myself, hey, I can do this!

Need to get the momentum going.

When I came home, I told myself to get serious with my new found delight. So, one fine morning before I went to office, I did seven rounds at the park next to my house. One round is approximately 450m. Yes, I surprise myself for managing 3km. But how can I motivate myself further? I mean I can always maintain a 3km run as long as I do it regularly. That's some form of exercise, isn't it? But that would not do for me. Okay, this seems silly but I thought tweeting about it might inspire me to set higher goals. And believe me, it did.

Two days later, I aimed for 5km. When I was on my eight round, my mind was telling me to stop because my legs were crying to stop. They were truly exhausted. I told myself, I don’t have to hit 13 laps to get that 5km. It’s okay I don't achieve it this time…there is always next time. But another part of me said, I can do it! Girl, don’t allow your mind to hold you back. It’s achievable. Be focused!

Finally, my better self conquered!  I did it!

Basically our bodies are much stronger than we think. So the challenge is really not our legs but above the shoulders, our MIND. Mental strength is so crucial at those critical points and I believe that’s what it meant by Mind Gym – we got to work our mental strength first and if that is conquered, almost anything is achievable. Ah…now I earn a bit of bragging right but the story is not finished yet… my next target, 10km!

My Wife Earns More And She’s Pouting

I was listening to the radio the other day and they have a show on solving dilemmas. A man called up and said he had lost his job six months ago and since then, he’s been sitting in the house taking care of their son. His wife on the other hand enjoyed a promotion recently. It should come across as a relief when one partner is out of job and the extra cash would act as a relief. Unfortunately, such turn of events does not augur well in the marriage. The man claimed his wife has started to treat him differently by giving him silent treatment and sometimes, sulked at him without any reason.

Obviously, the man is depressed.

Of course, the DJ tried to give some advice and said the best thing to do at this point is to have a heart-to-heart talk with the wife to find out the underlying change of attitude.

I suspect this is what he is going to get. “Get a job. You have to try harder!” “Don’t let me be the only one slogging hard for the money!”

But what if the husband did try his very best to hunt for a job but has not been so lucky, would that justify her attitude?

Probably not. Not in today’s terms.

Welcome to the modern world when women are earning as much if not more than their "stronger" counterpart. And employers will not be looking at your gender when deciding who to fire or lay-off. But that’s the problem. Women would want to fight for equal pay and benefits in the workplace but when come to family, there is still that traditional thinking that husbands are supposed to provide for the family, to give the women a sense of security.

Time to adjust our expectations.

Many marriages broke down because they don’t see this coming. I have a girlfriend that feels like she’s the ATM in the family because she pays everything. For a while, she felt bitter about the huge responsibility on her shoulders. Did she give her husband silent treatment? It's not silent treatment in her case. Words from a bitter woman are usually unkind and hurting, to say the least. What’s the outcome? I shudder even to think about it.

Times had changed and we have to evolve according to times. But I think some things need to be established. For example, we have to say more money doesn’t equal to more power. It doesn't mean you get to make all the decisions in the family just because you are earning more. And secondly, to approach issues as a team rather than fighting for who's the alpha in the family. We can be equal but our roles are different and sometimes, switch roles too if need be. Say husbands should really help out in the house chores when the wives are working, whether less income or not. You have to adjust. Otherwise, you really can’t blame the wife from pouting.

Passion Verses Money

Do a job you love and you do not have to work a day in your life! 

The above has been quoted by sages and management gurus for ages. We envy people who love their jobs or make a living out of what they love doing.

How come some people can be so lucky and I’m not one of them!!


Not all people have that kind of luxury. Yes there is a handful that live out their passion and that’s great. But the rest of us should not view it as a failure that we do not do what we love for a living.

Being a practical being and due to my background whereby money is scarce, I do not have the luxury to choose what I love to do immediately after my high school. The post high school study that I had chosen has to be one that’s reasonably priced, locally available and promised some kind of career security. The latter is absolutely important as I or at least the people from my generation are expected to “pay back” to our parents via monthly allowances when we start working. I know lots of people from the younger generation might not be very familiar with such “commitment” but that’s how it is.

So, I’m not ashamed to say that money is fairly important in choosing a career but I’m not ready to say that I’ll let money to have the final say in my decision-making. So yes, there is a middle ground here but I guess one can choose to do something that combines money and passion (well, at least not something that you dread doing) but along the way, if you believe your passion can get you somewhere, go for it.

Furthermore, I truly believe passion can be cultivated over time. Don’t box yourself up and buy in the idea that certain things are just not my cup of tea. In desperate times, you don't have the luxury to choose. So I don't believe being a whiner! I believe in making the best of what is available for me. And don’t underestimate our ability to adopt and adapt. You might amaze yourself :)

I like one blogger that says you are a practical person who knows that no one can do the stuff they are passionate about if they are worrying about food and rent. Support yourself somehow first, and then explore your passions from there.

I personally feel one is very lucky to even have a passion to start with. There’s always a choice whether you wish to put money or passion first. So either way, you are in a fortunate position. Anytime better than people who do not have a passion for anything – that I would say a sad state indeed.

Don’t Interrupt Candidates or Finish Their Sentences

Are you one of those that like to interrupt others or finish their sentences? Most often than not, we did not realize we actually do that until someone pointed out to us.The act might have become invisible to us.

I have to admit I did that, not all the time but enough to realize I actually did it. It happens at times when I encounter someone that is a bit slow in his speech. To speed the conversation, I’ll finish off the sentence knowing that’s probably the word or words he is struggling to verbalize. It’s a bad habit. I’m ashamed of it.

And bad habits like this unfortunately do not remain in your personal life but invade our professional realm too. So for the longest time I have unconsciously let this bad habit slip into my job interviews. And the outcome is usually not a good one. Imagine when I hurry someone along, interrupt someone, or finish his sentence, I made the candidate and myself hurried in our speech and that makes two people rather nervous and irritable at the end.

And truly, how can an interviewer really listen to what the candidate is saying when the interviewer is speaking for that person?

So if you are like me, let’s remind ourselves to be patient and wait.

Enjoy the conversation rather than rush through them.